marriage d'amour [Saturday November 21st, 2009 at 8:13pm] i really wish i had the chance to learn how to play the piano when i was young. i think i would spend the entire day playing richard clayderman pieces to myself if i could.

so much for sleeples nights [Friday November 20th, 2009 at 11:34am] im sleeping way too much for an exam prep week craving for ice cream cone from sde and parma ham breadsticks! arghhh

EXAMS! [Thursday November 19th, 2009 at 2:10pm] plenty of inertia! panic mode and sleepless nights alert :(

fifty cents indulgence [Tuesday November 3rd, 2009 at 5:57pm]   pam is addicted to mc donald's ice cream cone. horrible week 12, please be over soon.

sometimes i dont even understand myself [Tuesday October 27th, 2009 at 5:25pm] thank god for lionel. what would i do without you bro.

Could it be that we have been this way before? [Sunday October 25th, 2009 at 4:58pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] [ music | secondhand serenade - fall for you ] The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting Could it be that we have been this way before I know you don’t think that I am trying I know you’re wearing thin down to the core But hold your breath Because tonight will be the night That I will fall for you over again Don’t make me change my mind Or I won’t live to see another day I swear its true Because a girl like you is impossible to find You’re impossible to find This is not what I intended I always swore to you I'd never fall apart You always thought that I was stronger I may have failed but I have loved you from the start   i nvr really understood this song until now. how apt isnt it? could it be that we once spent days without fighting? i wont hope but its just nice to hear. wont you sing this to me on your blog in agreement?

[Thursday October 22nd, 2009 at 2:23am] at tuition on monday, we were going through some vocabs and one of the words happened to be 'thesaurus' pam: do you know what a thesaurus is? jaslyn: a book about dinosaurs! pam: -_-

[Friday October 16th, 2009 at 4:06pm] Dear God, I dont like to see people around me sad. But yet I cant please everyone at the same time...

all hail queen dilly dally [Saturday October 3rd, 2009 at 3:33pm] I SHALL START MEETING DEADLINES I SHALL START MEETING DEADLINES I SHALL START MEETING DEADLINES I SHALL START MEETING DEADLINES I SHALL START MEETING DEADLINES & I SHALL STOP DRINKING COKE LIKE ITS WATER highly dying commitments here..

max out sian [Wednesday September 30th, 2009 at 9:34am] I hate doing my finance assignments and I am always the last to submit my part for compilation AHHHH.....

its been too long [Saturday September 19th, 2009 at 12:35pm] been having many late nights this week. many assignments in the midst of procrastination and facebook and err.. msn. thanks to my moronic friend, im now down with a flu and sore throat added on to my occasional tendencies to vomit. well at least i passed the vomiting back to him. HAHA. and i have yet to finish the photoshop to update FL. its been weeks since we updated and its worrying me. right. so now that im done with some assignments for this week. IM SO GONNA FINISH PHOTOSHOPPING TONIGHT after i get back from tchoukball if not ill kill myself...

when it hurts [Thursday September 3rd, 2009 at 8:05pm] for the last time.. Dear God, please help me move on. pls t hrts s bdly.

not because of who i am [Friday August 21st, 2009 at 2:05am] [ music | casting crowns - who am i ] Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth Would care to know my name Would care to feel my hurt Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star Would choose to light the way For my ever wandering heart Not because of who I am But because of what You've done Not because of what I've done But because of who You're I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean A vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours, I am Yours Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin Would look on me with love and watch me rise again Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea Would call out through the rain And calm the storm in me

its been a long time [Sunday April 5th, 2009 at 6:01pm] [ mood | blah ] im doing everything but work. desperately trying to find something else to do, anything else but that which i have to do. theres no order i can arrange my tasks into, everything seems to be priority #1 but yet im doing everything else besides these. and its times like these i wanna escape, i just wanna run away. its been a long time since i wrote anything on this space, i wonder what made me stop. a part of me regret that i did because when i look back at the older entries, it helps me recall things and events, it brings me back, i feel every emotion as i felt it then. i wish i penned down more things, i wish i did it on a daily basis so i would never forget and i wish the fear of man didnt creep in. its pathetic to deprive myself of a method of memory because of this. on a brighter note, i persuaded my dad to let me 'test' his new phone and just today he casually asked me where it was. i said i wasnt done testing. HAHA. i love it and i dont ever plan to finish 'testing' it.. maybe only until the new iphone comes out. alright, time to face up to the 10pm deadline and stop pretending it didnt exist. srsly, so much inertia man... tsk tsk dear God, pls help me find joy in this stretching process. i dont want to simply 'get over and done with it'

[Saturday November 29th, 2008 at 11:32pm] i ransacked the whole room. but i still cant find my two favourite rings. goodness, extremely frustrating, if only i could just do a ctrl-f

=) [Saturday November 22nd, 2008 at 8:29pm] [ music | TRJA - Your Guardian Angel ] somebody serenade me with a guitar singing your guardian angel please... i promise to melt and be mesmerized...

isaiah [Monday November 17th, 2008 at 9:56pm] the earlier part of today had to be the craziest time of this semester. it was frustration, panick and total loss rolled into one, all because of some silly assignment. i even dreamt about it the night before, goodness... and its that time of the year again to camp at bishan library and go on a muggerthon. if theres ever a place that gets me in the mood to study, it has to be bishan library... with the glassed walls behind me and the sunlight streaming in and onto my table. im a sucker for such a setting when it comes to studying. the sunlight gives me a sense of security, knowing that i still have the whole day ahead of me. sigh, could we just skip november anyway... In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.

food for thought [Saturday November 15th, 2008 at 3:04am] [ mood | hungry ] thank God for brownies, marshmallows and espresso! my much needed indulgence and escape from exam madness. and ill be back to conquer them all, one at a time =)

dreaming indeed [Wednesday November 12th, 2008 at 11:28pm] [ mood | dreamy ] ill take it in the tiffany blue box, thanks. what a beauty.

and the fire fades away [Friday July 11th, 2008 at 1:12am] [ music | kt tunstall - other side of the world ] Over the sea and far away She's waiting like an iceberg Waiting to change But she's cold inside She wants to be like the water All the muscles tighten in her face Buries her soul in one embrace They're one and the same Just like water And the fire fades away Most of everyday Is full of tired excuses But it's too hard to say I wish it were simple But we give up easily You're close enough to see that You're on the other side of the world to me On comes the panic light Holding on with fingers and feelings alike But the time has come To move along Can you help me Can you let me go And can you still love me When you can't see me anymore

love is such a strange thing [Sunday June 29th, 2008 at 1:29am] its been almost three months now. i still cant believe we're not together anymore. and strangely i also cant believe that im beginning to move on. i never thought we'd have to come to this. i always thought a miracle would happen somehow, or rather i always thought you'd do something. i guess ive stopped believing. i struggle. i struggle to believe God's words about salvation for you. it really scares me too, to realise that we're both gonna carry on with our lives, on separate paths. well, life goes on. maybe a few years from now, we'll be able to look back at this without the pain and instead laugh it off as a part of growing up.well, maybe.

[Thursday June 26th, 2008 at 1:56am] [ mood | thankful ] tonight was a night of strange encounters. on the way home from cell, in the span of my train ride home, 3 pple reminded me about the $500 fine i could get for drinking my bubble tea. then, a middle-aged indian man followed me out of the train, to the bus stop, up the same bus and down at the same stop. he kept staring throughout and thrice approached me with some random questions. i decided that i shouldnt even attempt to walk home and away from the crowd and so i waited there hoping i was wrong about him. but he stood behind me and waited too. it was close to midnight and i was freaked out. i finally called home and daddy came to the rescue. who knows what he could have done to me if i hadnt been careful. goodness, what a night. thank God for daddys.

confused [Monday June 23rd, 2008 at 3:57am] i read your bro's blog today. and in a very selfish way, i prayed that  there will never come a day where i have to make that long essay my own.

a matter of time [Thursday June 19th, 2008 at 10:22pm] sometimes love alone just isnt enough

i need rest [Wednesday June 18th, 2008 at 11:42pm] right now i just want to be tucked into bed, falling asleep to the humming of a calming lullaby.

[Wednesday May 28th, 2008 at 11:52am] much to the disbelief of people around me, ive been exercising, swimming on every 1 3 5 of the week, 10 laps each time.. assuming one lap refers to swimming to and fro along the lengths of an olympic sized pool. i never knew what one lap actually means, if its 50m or if it includes another 50m to swim back? people always give me different answers. so anyway, even i find it strange how im so disciplined this time. maybe thats also because i have my sister to accompany me, although most of the time she runs off halfway to go play in the baby pool. well today though, the sky was threatening to rain so i decided not to take any chances and i didnt go swim in the end but but but im gonna make up for it by going jogging with my brother tmr morning. i thought of jogging a little and then doing my 10 laps after it but my sister has got sch and i dont feel like swimming alone tmr. ohh well, although she may be a brat most of the time, im still thankful to have her company. my sis told me that if she could have 3 wishes, she would want, in order of preference: 1) to be rich for the rest of her life 2) to be born earlier so our age gap wouldnt be so huge 3) to find an honest christian husband in future. hahha so cute and ditto to #2. there were many times i really wished we were twin sisters so it would be so much more fun. we could go to school together, probably have the same bunch of friends and share our clothes too. but then i also thought it through and realised that id rather it be the way it is now so at least she has me as a more matured and sensible figure to guide her through her different formative phases while my parents are busy working. i think i have to make the most of our time while shes still young, before she finds her friends and starts hanging out late, before she becomes a teenager and gets entangled in life's complicated issues... to enjoy the genuine willingness of her company and the innocence of her opinions. sometimes i look at her and realise how quickly shes growing up and ill wish with all my heart that she'll stop, i cant bear to let the world get to her innocence.

goodness [Thursday May 22nd, 2008 at 6:45pm] [ mood | frustrated ] I NEED A JOB. LIKE RIGHT NOW! if only it'll just fall from the sky. goodness, why is this so difficult? why is everything so difficult?

shut up, bleeding heart [Wednesday May 21st, 2008 at 1:56am] together with the cell, i went to the smu hostel today to distribute the flyers for romp. we ended up checking out the rooms, toilets, ktichens and even their air-con consumption rates. i realised that my definition of a complete uni life would really have to include the hostel life experience. i dont know why or how but i think im gonna have to start, at home, convincing the mother first. so well, exams are out and its the holidays now and everyones suppose to be happy with that but strangely im feeling lost. with all the extra time, im left with lots of room to daydream and think about many things. thats what makes it horrible i guess. well, i would very much rather subscribe to the idea that all i need now is to find a job to occupy my time, mind and heart.

im going crazy [Thursday May 1st, 2008 at 7:45pm] [ mood | cranky ] studying for exams is such a dreadful chore, as usual. and with today being super unproductive, i was in panic mode for quite a while before i got down to praying and reading my bible. goodness. time passes by in a flash when you're in need of time to study but yet the whole exam period seems never ending. 6th of may, please come now! 6th of may.. 6th of may.. 6th of may.. Aaaahhhhhhhh!

[Saturday April 26th, 2008 at 12:07am] tocky! i miss your nonsense. hurry come back from taiwan! it feels weird not seeing you in church. and its strange that it feels weird cause you hardly come to begin with. whahhaa

the emo era [Friday April 18th, 2008 at 1:38am]

i dont want to have a heart anymore [Sunday April 13th, 2008 at 10:20pm] [ mood | confused ] these days a good part of me feels like going all out on a dating rampage just to scream into your face to wake you up. but i know im only gonna end up hurt. even till now, my emotions are still tied to you and its really tiring and draining. i always thought that it would be an extremely scary situation for a person to have no hope left in anything. but now for me, it would be scarier to carry any hope. i guess its really time to move on. i want to move on.  i want to be happy. i hate being emo_girl87.

[Tuesday April 8th, 2008 at 2:57pm] [ mood | grumpy ] i just finished lunch, which was a bowl of very disgusting looking soupy spaghetti sauce with mian xian. i was craving for soupy mian xian when i woke up today but wanted to clear up the leftover spaghetti sauce too, so i mixed them all together over the fire. as disgusting as it sounds or looks, it tasted pretty okay, except that the chinese mian xian didnt really blend well with the western spaghetti sauce. well, this is definitely not gonna help my impending flu/fever. im already getting the sore throats and phlegm every morning, which is usually an indication of more horrible days to come. SIAN. i just want to lie down in bed and nurse it all away. but but but i have a report due tmr and so far all ive done is the cover page. and i still have to go for tuition and cell later in the evening. kill me.

my alabaster jar [Friday April 4th, 2008 at 5:07pm] a love-hate relationship with the airport. these are times when it becomes the latter. beyond the superficial calmness, i was going crazy on the inside, screaming as loudly as  i could at time to come to a halt. but it refused to obey. and then my world came crashing down on me..

[Tuesday April 1st, 2008 at 11:17pm] i feel like a cancer stricken patient, living life knowing exactly when im gonna die. if only time would just come to a standstill.

juno [Tuesday March 11th, 2008 at 1:01am] [ mood | impressed ] ellen page did a really good job with the role of juno macguff. though i personally disagree with the values portrayed, it was nonetheless an awesome movie. one that i wouldnt hesitate to watch over and over again. i finally understood why they received so many nominations. and i think shes very pretty, the kind you never get tired of staring at. an amazing talent, really.

[Wednesday March 5th, 2008 at 1:01am] [ mood | hungry ] just for chow, i decided to do a little update. i realised that i have always been telling the whole world to update regularly so i have something to read but i myself update only once in a gazillion years. after talking to chow, i felt inspired and encourage to do something about my selling journal! looking at that pile of clothes rotting away in my wardrobe makes me depressed. gosh, i really should stop procrastinating and feeling embarrassed for nothing. okay random events. valentine's day. had dinner at mal's place, which he prepared. thank you! present from mummy. really pretty, i love it! and this.. is what i do for one of my modules. we play these traditional javanese instruments. it is a gamelan set, pronounced as ga-may-lan, not game-lan, like i stupidly thought so at first this was from a southeast asian concert hafi and i had to attend on a SATURDAY EVENING IN NUS. okay but the refreshments were good. HAHA. and thats all i remembered, so i have no idea how i am gonna churn out a report about it. well okay, this didnt take as much effort as i thought it would. =)

to let go [Friday October 19th, 2007 at 12:19am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | natasha bedingfield - soulmate ] Is it possible Mr. Loveable is already in my life? right in front of me or maybe you're in disguise Who doesn't long for someone to hold who knows how to love you without being told somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soulmate for everyone it amazes even myself, how i've been picking at different things and getting irritated at seemingly nothing and how i've been thinking, questioning and contemplating so much recently. i wonder if God is telling me that its finally time..

i wanna be a teenager forever [Wednesday September 26th, 2007 at 10:19pm] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | summer rain ] this is indeed a pretty weak attempt on my part to embrace whatevers left of my 7-year teenage-hood. in moments to come, when it finaly hits 12 midnight, ill officially and reluctantly be thrown into a whole transition year between teenage-hood and adulthood. the big TWO-OOH. omg, thats it, im no longer a teenager. considering the many happenings during these 7 years, i guess its normal for me to want to cling on to them. from listening to the likes of backstreet boys, britney and nsync, to competing who had the latest roxy or ripcurl bag, to mulitple ear piercings, to our 'first' interaction with the opposite sex, to fake IDs and china black, to cursing at A levels, to mambos and even now to driving. these were the years i matured the most, where i found my different groups of amazing friends and also when i became closer to God. it was also during these same years that i did the silliest things and when i walked through some of the darkest moments. and as i look back, im truly grateful to God for the different experiences and the times he picked my world back up piece by piece. i think the ventures couldnt have summarised it better with a back-to-school celebration party for me. seeing deb in our st. margs uniform and some others back in the sa uniform, i realised that these will be the years ill greatly miss. i doubt there will ever be a period in my life as colourful as this. oh well, we'll see. anyway, i just want to thank the different groups of friends who have already celebrated my birthday for and with me. the losers, ventures and cell. THANK YOU! i loved every moment of it! okay okay, ill be 20 when i next update. haha yeah i just just just had to add that. alright, will be updating with pictures the next time. =)

you left a void [Monday August 13th, 2007 at 11:44am] my first day in sch. i cant quite put everything into words in proper fashion. i guess thats because so many things have happened, all at the same time. as i sat through my very first lecture and with the losers in the new arts canteen today, the whole experience was just surreal. it felt strange that i was back in school with the losers again, didnt even feel like school. it was such a mix of emotions. a little bit of excitement and happiness coupled with a fair bit of dejection. i could recognise every hint of it. that emptiness, that void. but i had to stand by my decision. so anyway, most of the day was spent in stats lecture with a barely audible lecturer, with the losers and a bunch of new friends at the deck . a significant part of it went towards worrying about my modules and bidding, which ive come to realise is very much like a core module allocated to every nus student every semester. SIAN. tmr will be a better day. so i guess this is really it..

[Thursday August 9th, 2007 at 1:14am] [ mood | annoyed ] today i finally got a taste of the #$%&^*-ness of nus, or the cors system to be specific. i got out-bidded for both my gems, so right now i only have 3 modules. great. utterly ridiculous, i cant understand why they only allocated us 250 pts in our general acct. 250 pts to bid for 2 none-core modules. helloo? bid what man. 250 can barely challenge the minimum bid pts for most modules, what more securing a place for two modules. now im left with crappy modules to bid for in the next round. and i still have to fight with the remaining bidders for these crappy modules. i can go on and on about this supposedly "fair and stress-free system". ohh god, i need some divine intervention here. sigh welcome to nus, pam.

first entry using my macbook! [Tuesday August 7th, 2007 at 11:56pm] [ mood | amused ] silly malvin. he totally hacked my acct and typed the previous entry because i refuse to talk to him every tuesday. that is so not me. i rarely have the first letter of all my sentences properly typed out in caps. haha silly boy. anyway, ive been meaning to put this up. found it some time back while i was organising my folders. all 4 of us looked like we didnt have a single care or worry in the world. =) gosh, its time we had a proper gathering my friends.

Crime Night [Tuesday August 7th, 2007 at 11:43pm] [ mood | cheerful ] Tonight is Crime Night. My favourite night.

i cant wait [Tuesday July 31st, 2007 at 3:25am] [ mood | excited ] that seemingly never-ending nightmare. its over, finally. and the most exciting part about it: omg omg. im praying hard they'll give it to me on the spot at the matriculation fair although i highly doubt that would happen. come on! come on!

my yesterdays [Tuesday July 10th, 2007 at 12:39am] [ mood | nostalgic ] made a trip back to the office today to collect my cheque. as i stepped into the office, (as much as i would hate to admit it) i felt a wave of nostalgia. and for a split second, i missed the familiar setting and people that were once my everyday affair. it was nice to be warmly greeted by everyone, even my bosses. a fair number of them commented that i had lost weight. till now, i cant help but wonder if its because my hair grew longer and thus made my face less round. well anyway, the closer bunch of us ended up having dinner, talking and laughing over coffee and tea. i was unusually quiet this time round. instead i was just concentrating on listening, observing and trying to commit to memory every detail of the conversation. it dawned on me then how different we were. besides the obvious disparity in age (the youngest was 26), there was also the language. they spoke fluently in mandarin, while i struggled and succumbed to using english most of the time. its funny how i only noticed such things after so long. well, besides the salary, its definitely the company of these people ill miss most. i suppose these are the little ways by which god has blessed me.

oh you of little faith [Thursday July 5th, 2007 at 4:15pm] [ mood | depressed ] it seems like it has turned into my routine, to wake up and get stressed over uni stuff while surfing the net. too much of a coincidence huh, but everyday ill stumble upon some random blog with a bible verse rebuking me for having such little faith in God. sigh, this is so depressing. in all honesty, i feel i dont deserve this. ive never felt so lost in my entire life. oh well, i have to start putting my time to better use to get my mind off all these. IF and HOPE. two mammoth words for me. Dear God, when will this nightmare end?

chase [Saturday June 23rd, 2007 at 2:56pm] helloo. everyones invited to chase: www.chase07.blogspot.com check out the video section, the first father and daughter pair in the very last video. my dad and sis!!

part one [Monday June 11th, 2007 at 2:41pm] [ mood | content ] this was today. =) anyway, im off to msia for church camp. ill only be back next monday friends. we'll catch up then. i promise!

BKK! [Tuesday May 22nd, 2007 at 12:37am] i finally consolidated everybody's details and successfully booked our tickets. its one huge load off my to-do list. its tougher a job than it may seem. With Jia in UK, Alice in Australia and Krystle in Philippines, its surely wasnt as easy as i thought. ohh man, you have no idea how happy, excited and relieved i am. i got so stressed out watching our 9.99 tickets fly out the window. but hey, we still got part of it in the end. alright, thats a pretty good start to our trip. speaking relaxing, they found a permanent replacement for me! which means, i start to hand over and officially stop work in 3 weeks time. aahhh, finally.. my holidays will start being more like holidays. im just gonna embrace rolling in bed till lunch time, taking as long as i like to read the newspapers, being a couch potato, catching up with friends and just eating and eating and eating and growing fat on my comfy sofa. okay but for now its still: mon: work, driving tues: work, tuition, driving wed: work, cell thurs: work, driving fri: work, prayer service sat: driving, tuition, youth service, first free slot of the week sun: church, last free slot of the week okay, 3 weeks.. 3 weeks..3 weeks.

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